Akatsukittens: Bigger, Badder, and Better Written
by The-Music-Loving-Anime-tard
Summary: In this epic rewrite of a story I started when I was twelve, we follow three girls living together and three Akatsuki members that show up for...whatever reason (with only one of them as an actual cat). The girls actually want the ninjas gone, but mistakes are made and they end up going with them to the ninja world. And changing the plot proves much more difficult than it seems.
1. The Arrival

_Hello my friends. If you're new to my stories, welcome to the only story of mine that I recommend reading. If you know me, then I can assume you're happy. I never would've thought that I'd get to this, since I pretty much abandoned fanfiction for a while. But I decided, fuck it, it'll help me get better with writing, and help me get used to writing, since when I do it I either have no inspiration or I'm lazy. Plus it might be fun. I won't ramble here, I'll ramble more at the end. So, enjoy the first chapter. :-)_

* * *

 _This must be what Hidan feels like when he gets decapitated_ , Kakuzu thought dryly as he stood up at full height, which, for some reason, was not very tall at all anymore. He must have been no taller than a slightly small sized dog. And upon sitting down and surveying the area, he eventually realized that that was just what he was. A short, wrinkly, slobbery _dog_ with a practically nonexistent tail.

It was odd, seeing the world not only from such a low height, but with a dog's odd colorblind-like sight.

For a startling moment, it occurred to Kakuzu that he could have been stuck like that. He couldn't remember what happened, or even where he was. He was going to be trapped due to what he assumed to be a transformation jutsu in some woods area he didn't recognize. But he then shook himself (quite literally) and realized that his chakra was still present. Something was just...blocking it. He tried calling out to either Hidan or Sasori, the last two Akatsuki members he could remember being with before his memories cut short, but it came out as a low bark. Growling in frustration, he started walking to try getting an idea of where he was, but stopped shortly after when he stepped on something.

Or rather, some _one_ , as it appeared to be Sasori. At least, a very small, wooden puppet of Sasori lacking a cloak.

Chakra was radiating weakly from the doll, as if it were suppressed, so Kakuzu assumed it was Sasori in the same situation as him and trapped in some strange transformation jutsu. He just wasn't so lucky with the form he ended up in. So, with no other way to carry him, Kakuzu carefully took a bit of the fabric of the doll's pants between his teeth and lifted him up, then walked on through the woods area.

He just hoped Hidan wouldn't be far.

 **XxX**

Snow had started to drift down as the sky got darker. The only sources of lights were the sometimes very dim streetlights, and the occasional light reaching through house windows.

Albeit he was still a bit unhappy with his situation, Hidan _could_ get used to having a cat's night vision.

That and his slightly enhanced hearing were the only good things to his new form. Every so often Hidan jumped three feet out of his skin when loud and huge hunks of metal on wheels went by on the wide black path to his side (luckily they were becoming less frequent as the night went on), and it frustrated him to no end that he couldn't break out of the ridiculous form he was trapped in. It was belittling to have over half of the people he actually saw out on their porches call "kitty kitty kitty!" in a high-pitched cutesy voice at him. If not belittling, then just annoying.

Unable to actually really do anything as a cat, he just continued running forward.

Hidan didn't really know where he was going. He was just running with the idea that the rush would help encourage his chakra to break free. He wouldn't realize until later during his exhaustion that this would be a bad idea. But he did eventually think that he hoped he'd have a reason to stop soon.

 **XxX**

It was a Thursday night, and that only meant one thing: it was Crysta's turn to take out the garbage.

Sighing and internally complaining about the horrible smell, Crysta dragged the two garbage bags off the porch and into the cans to be picked up in the morning. She regret not putting shoes on beforehand, because the snow already started to cover the sidewalks. She dashed back over to the porch, but before she could go back inside and start complaining about her feet, she stopped when she heard a cat's loud meowing. She had grown up in neighborhoods that were all full of strays, but with this one it was rare.

So when a silver cat came dashing up the sidewalk, stopping to look at her with big and seemingly magenta eyes, her heart melted. She knew her roommates (most likely just the one) would probably kill her if she brought in a cat. But then again...

"Hey, kitty."

...her roommates wanted to kill her for a lot of things.

The cat seemed unsure about her and was ready to run off again. So Crysta crouched down on the porch step and held out her hand. "C'mere, kitty," she said. "Are you hungry?" The cat actually seemed to give her his attention again at that. It would be odd to most, but Crysta disregarded it. "Do you want to come inside?" She tried taking a few steps onto the sidewalk (freezing cement be damned), and when the cat didn't run away she decided to take her chances, and walked right up to it.

He sat at her feet and meowed loudly up at her.

Crysta found it adorable, but she would later find out about the profanities that were actually said.

She reached down and pet him, which he was unsure about at first before he relaxed a little. She smiled widely. The cat meowed again, a bit more miserably, when Crysta lifted him up into her arms. He wiggled a little bit like he was about to jump, but stopped after a moment and seemed to decide to tolerate it. Crysta smiled, lightly scratching the cat behind his ears, then carried him inside, bracing herself for the possible shit she was about to get for bringing in a stray.

 **XxX**

Hidan didn't give two shits about the curly-haired woman carrying him, all he knew was that he was going to be fed.

He wasn't exactly happy with being carried, but when the woman scratched behind his ears he seemed to forget about everything (it must have been a cat thing, or he had some weird ear fetish he never knew about). Plus being taken inside and out of the freezing cold was worth being carried a little. And he _was_ complaining about his sore feet just before he happened to find the girl...

Now that he thought about it, he actually wouldn't mind getting carried around like some kind of royalty.

The girl carried him into what seemed to be a living room, with an old-looking bean bag chair in the corner, a decently sized TV against the wall on a tall stand (something with a guy getting beheaded was playing, catching Hidan's attention briefly), and on the opposite wall a long couch. And on that couch were two other girls: one with slightly wavy, very light brown hair that barely scraped her shoulders, and the other with long, dirty blonde hair.

The blonde's eyes immediately locked with Hidan's, and she scowled. "Crysta, you can not be serious."

Hidan felt the woman carrying him, Crysta, shrug. "I'm usually not a very serious person, but when cats are involved, _everything_ is serious," she said. The brunette on the couch ran a hand down her face, mumbling something about "getting out of the crossfire", then stood up and moved to the bean bag chair; she crossed her legs and pulled out a rectangular device that lit up her face. The blonde on the couch, after muttering, "Good sportsmanship, Autumn," crossed her arms, making Hidan look over to watch the possible argument that was about to break out. Crysta started to explain, "Dawn, as I was treading through the _heaps_ of snow out there," Hidan noticed the blonde (Dawn) roll her eyes, "this stray just came running up the street. He let me come up to him, and he was friendly enough to let me pick him up. So...I decided to take him inside."

Hidan looked over to Dawn as she sighed. "Crysta, you know I hate cats."

"I _do_ know you hate cats," Crysta said before Dawn could say anything else. "But do you really think I wanted to leave the cat outside with the possibility of getting hit by a car?" Dawn seemed to consider this. Hidan said, ' _C'mon, keep going. I wanted to see a good cat fight_ ,' but it only came out as an urged meow. It annoyed him, but he forgot about it for a few moments when Crysta scratched behind his ears again.

"We should only keep him for a little while," Dawn said, making Crysta and Hidan both look over at her. "Just to feed him and give him a warm place to sleep for a night or two. Then we're giving him to some kind of shelter or something, because vet bills are bullshit."

"And fleas are annoying little shits," the brunette on the bean bag chair, Autumn, added, not looking up from her device. She seemed to be the only one who didn't care as much about keeping a stray cat or not.

Hidan was then shifted and held up in the air above Crysta's head, making him squirm and yowl in protest ( _Put me the fuck down!_ ) before he was returned to the position of being cradled to the woman's chest. She sighed and muttered, "Yeah, and he's not fixed."

Not only did some woman he didn't know just invade his privacy and take a good look at his genitals, but her immediate reaction was that it was bad that he still _had_ them.

It occurred to Hidan that remaining as a cat would result in a removal of said genitals whether or not these women kept him. And even if he was lucky enough that they _didn't_ get removed, he would still be stuck as someone's pet cat. So, naturally, his first idea was the one he immediately went with: _get the fuck out of the house_.

* * *

 _First order of business, thank you so much for reading this. It always makes me so happy when people enjoy my writing._

 _I'm sorry for any spelling errors I missed, I might go back and check the chapter five times over after this since I'm always anxious as fuck when publishing/updating things. And sorry if this is a bit on the short side. There was more I wanted to happen in chapter one, but decided that it'll be saved for chapter two since I couldn't make it flow out like I wanted it to. I'll try making the next one a bit longer. But here it is. The story I thought I would never get to._

 _If you're new, then I'll say that I canceled my original Akatsuki kitty series a long while ago. It was garbage, trust me. And if you're an old reader, you'll see that, yeah, almost everything is different and nothing is the same compared to the original. The only thing that's the same are three of the original OC's. All the other OCs will be referenced to throughout the story, but that's about it. In fact, Crysta, Autumn and Dawn were some of the only ones I wanted to originally use. But my twelve-year-old mind wanted some romance for almost all of the damn Akatsuki (save for Pein and Konan), so I basically made myself suffer with so many characters._

 _There's gonna be significantly less romance in this one. There'll be some, but much later on. And not exactly with the three Akatsuki members given. ;-) The main ideas are that while in the real world, it's mainly shits'n'giggles while trying to send the ninjas home. Then when they're all in the ninja world the plot will start rolling a bit more. And I have some big things planned._

 _And if you're still reading, I just wanted to say I love you a lot holy fuck, thank you for reading my garbage story and my rambling. New reader or not, how has life been? I hope good. If you review, I don't mind hearing about people's days, lives and whatnot. Reviews in general just make me happy. But I'll stop this here so I don't get _too _carried away. My author's notes aren't usually this long at all, I'm just a little excited and anxious at the moment. :'-) But yeah. See you **beautiful people** in the next chapter. I'll try to update on a weekly schedule, if not sooner or later than that. See ya'._


	2. (An Attempt of) Jailbreak

_It's currently midnight as I post this because I can't sleep from the pain in my neck I've had for the past few days. :-( Oh well. I'm sorry for any errors I missed, I'll come back and check this over again to make any corrections in the morning. Enjoy._

* * *

Forcing himself out of the woman's arms and running away was easy. What wasn't easy was the "get the fuck out of the house" part of his plan, mainly because he couldn't _reach the fucking door handle_. Hidan got on his hind legs, batting at and reaching for the screen door's handle in vain, before he just sat down in defeat. His tail swished (which startled him, it practically moved on its own) as he tried thinking of other options since his first plan didn't exactly work.

His ears suddenly twitched as he heard Dawn talk from the other room, "Maybe your cat isn't so friendly after all."

There was a sigh from Crysta, then Autumn spoke, "Or he's stressed, being brought into a strange house and all. Plus he seemed a little squirmy, so he might not have liked being held for so long."

"True, Autumn, very true," Crysta said. "I don't think we have any cat food, but should I try leaving a plate of tuna fish, or ham, or _something_ out for him? See if he'll eat?" Hidan actually forgot that he was going to be fed so long as he was here. Going outside could've resulted in him having to hunt birds or some shit. He decided that playing as a pet cat for just a little while wouldn't be too bad so long as he was getting food. He got up and walked slowly out, meowing to get their attention (' _Feed me you fucks._ '). All three women looked over. He sat down and meowed again. He felt stupid doing it, but it was going to be a meow either way.

Autumn stood up from the bean bag chair and stretched. "I'll make him some tuna fish," she said. "Crysta, maybe you should look around to check and make sure we don't have cat food." Tuna fish didn't exactly sound too appetizing to Hidan, but it was better than having to eat actual cat food.

So he followed Autumn out into the kitchen, then decided to test something and tried to jump onto the counter while he waited.

He did succeed, but was immediately shoved off and onto the floor. "Don't get used to doing that," Autumn said, "or Dawn might try to starve you."

 **XxX**

The snow was coming down a bit more heavily now, and Kakuzu's feet were freezing (he refused to use the term paws; the first stage of grief is denial, after all).

He _loathed_ the form he was trapped in. Whatever dog breed he ended up as seemed to have a lot of drool, and with having to carry a doll around in his mouth, there was the occasional drool. Needless to say, he didn't enjoy it, and he gave up wasting his time trying to wipe it away. Not only did his unnecessarily short legs make it hard to go too long without tiring, but he also had the breathing problems of whatever breed it was.

Kakuzu actually caught himself nearly succumbing to the sudden instinct to _chew_ on the puppet in his mouth to relieve his irritation. Then he got a reality check and remembered that that puppet was Sasori, and that he wasn't an actual dog.

But Kakuzu, no matter how irritated, just kept walking. He eventually got out of the trees, the dirt and grass turned into a solid, flat, black rock path, and he quickly learned to stay on either of the thinner paths on each side after a near-death experience with some giant machine on wheels. He ignored the few people he saw, and he snarled at the even fewer people who tried calling him over. He wasn't in the mood for dealing for people, he had to find his idiot of a partner.

He stopped in his tracks and lifted his head. It was still a short distance away, and it was very faint, but he started to sense Hidan's chakra.

Kakuzu took a deep, somewhat wheezy breath, then began to run. _You better stay in place this time, moron_.

 **XxX**

"What should we name him?"

"Asshole."

Autumn snorted at Dawn's suggestion, crouching down and petting the cat as he ate his tuna fish. He actually paused and growled lightly after Dawn spoke, making Autumn pull her hand away, but then he kept eating. "I'm surprised you actually suggested something, Dawn," Autumn said, looking over to her two best friends sitting at the kitchen table. "I expected you to be all like, 'If we name it you'll want to keep it, and I want to give it away'."

Dawn shrugged. "We can name it Asshole and _then_ give it away."

"Or give him a _proper_ name and _keep_ him," Crysta said. The cat's tail twitched slightly. "Besides, you still suggested a name, even if it was a bad one. That means you're considering keeping him."

Dawn smirked slightly. "What's wrong with naming him Asshole? I think it suits him perfectly," she said. The cat paused to growl again, to which Dawn sarcastically growled back in response. "Shut up, Asshole." The cat actually looked up at her and hissed, making Autumn get up and back up, much to Dawn's surprise. Crysta then scolded him, to which he growled lowly in response before going back to his food. Dawn gestured to him. "See what I mean? He's a total Asshole."

"He is a bit of an asshole, but that's not going to be his name," Crysta said as-a-matter-of-factly, though she was smiling slightly. Autumn took a seat next to Crysta, taking her cup of ice water and taking a sip as if it were actually hers before setting it back in front of Crysta. She narrowed her eyes at Autumn and whispered, "Rude," making Autumn smile and shrug. Dawn rolled her eyes.

"Just date already, you damn lesbians," she teased.

"Bisexuals," Autumn corrected. Dawn then cracked a smile when Crysta said, "Kiss me, babe," then the two turned their heads toward each other so Dawn couldn't see their faces as they made a lot of exaggerated slurping noises and the occasional obscene sound. "Alright, alright, I get it. Even the cat looked up to watch." The other two women laughed when they looked down to see that their cat was indeed staring up at them like a teenage boy watching porn for the first time. His tail twitched when he was caught and tried going back to his tuna fish.

"We gave him a pussy boner," Crysta said with a pleased grin, making Dawn shake her head and Autumn snort.

"Only you would have that kind of affect on animals, Crysta," Dawn muttered.

"What can I say? Animals are just attracted to me," Crysta said, almost proudly. Before Autumn had the chance to point out how horribly wrong that sounded, there was a scratching sound at the front door. The cat looked over to the door boredly at first, then, as if he realized something, he suddenly bolted and sat in front of the door, meowing loudly. The women were confused at first, not knowing how to react, but then the cat hissed and a bark came from outside the door. Dawn ran a hand down her face.

"Crysta, if what you said is true, then I'm going to fucking kill you if you make us keep the dog you just attracted to our house."

 **XxX**

' _I highly doubt you want to test my patience, Hidan, considering that I'm in a form where I could still kill you easily_ ,' Kakuzu warned his partner irritably. To the women sitting around them, it was just a low growl directed at the cat who wouldn't stop meowing irritably and batting at the "puppy". Said cat, currently sitting off to the side, was scolded constantly for annoying him, making Kakuzu actually like one of the women so far.

Kakuzu was surprised that despite the species gap they could still communicate.

The older ninja didn't like being treated by a literal dog (mainly by the one with curly hair who wouldn't stop squeeling about how much she loves "English Bulldogs") but he knew that considering his partner found himself a home with the three women, he might as well tolerate the behavior. Just until he had a plan to escape with Hidan and Sasori. Though he wouldn't admit it, he did find the petting somewhat comforting. And he didn't like doing it, but in order to seem friendly to not immediately get thrown out, he rested his head on the woman's lap as she fawned over him. He was exhausted anyway, so he used that as his other excuse.

"He doesn't have a tag," Crysta (he eventually heard their names all mentioned when he listened to them talking) said, petting him slowly. "Or even a collar."

"Yeah, well I'm checking to see if anyone is missing a dog," Dawn muttered as she sat at the dining room table, staring down at a small rectangular device with a glowing screen. She'd run her finger up the screen, making whatever was on it move upwards, before pausing to scan over the contents of the screen. Autumn seemed to get bored watching her companion do whatever she was doing, so she joined Kakuzu and Crysta on the floor, reaching over to pet him briefly.

' _Is that fucking_ Sasori _in your mouth_?' Hidan suddenly asked, stepping over. Kakuzu hadn't allowed the women to take the puppet from him, as Sasori couldn't exactly defend himself from whatever might happen. Even if he didn't care much for the puppet man, he could still enjoy his presence. And even though they weren't direct teammates with each other, he was still a partner in the Akatsuki itself.

Plus they both had something in common as well: they both found their partners annoying.

' _Yes, Hidan_ ,' Kakuzu said, trying to be more patient with the Jashinist. ' _He's in the same situation as us. He's just currently unable to get anywhere himself_.'

Hidan found it hilarious. ' _How sweet of you, carrying him around like that_ ,' he said teasingly. ' _Who knew, the old miser had enough fucking humanity buried in those five, old hearts of his to carry around the puppet because he couldn't move_.' Kakuzu growled in warning, baring his teeth at his partner. In response, Hidan's fur bristled as he hissed and clawed at Kakuzu. Crysta swatted at him, scolding him to stop, making him do the same to her. Kakuzu didn't stop him; if Hidan was going to get himself thrown out, then so be it. Kakuzu couldn't care less at the moment.

"The idea to name him Asshole still stands," Autumn pointed out to Crysta, making Kakuzu snort. He didn't even need the story behind it. Hidan meowed angrily at the woman, ' _I'll rip out_ your _asshole if you keep calling me that, you fucking bitch_.'

' _Technically they aren't directly calling you Asshole. At least, not yet_ ,' Kakuzu said.

' _Shut the fuck up, Kakuzu_.' The older ninja rolled his eyes.

Kakuzu directed his attention to Autumn when the woman leaned down to get a look of what was in his mouth. "He either has some kind of a chew toy he took before running away, or something he found in some kid's yard that he decided was free to take." She slowly reached over with her hand, making Kakuzu growl lowly, and she sighed and said, "Would you knock it off? I'm not trying to take it, I just want to look at it." She seemed surprised when Kakuzu lifted his head cautiously to let the woman look just as she started pulling her hand away. The woman slowly reached over, gently lifting the doll up by the hair to get a look at the front of its body.

Autumn laughed. "The dog has a fucking Sasori puppet."

 **XxX**

"There weren't many people missing English Bulldogs specifically, and those who were weren't missing a dark brindle one like him."

Autumn noticed that Crysta seemed more focused on the two animals hiding under the kitchen table, seemingly conversing, than what Dawn had said. Autumn rolled her eyes, even though she was a bit curious of what the animals were doing herself. She decided to not stare almost hungrily like Crysta was. Instead, she looked at Dawn and said, "He might have gone missing more recently, even today, so that might be why we're not seeing anyone asking if we saw him."

"It's just weird," Dawn said, shaking her head and pocketing her phone. "Stray cats are understandable. A cat gets out, it either gets pregnant or gets another one pregnant, and it's impossible to catch them. Then them _and_ the kittens just keep banging and having more. But a stray dog in this kind of neighborhood just doesn't happen." Autumn shrugged and agreed that it was weird. They looked to Crysta for input, but found her to still be watching the animals.

She probably wouldn't care either way; it just gave her a reason to keep the dog.

"Earth to Crysta," Autumn said, snapping her fingers in front of her friend's eyes. Crysta swatted her hand away and finally looked to her two roommates.

"What's weird is how they're suddenly avoiding us," she said.

"Probably because they recognized Autumn's Akatsuki obsession and wanted to get as far away from her as possible," Dawn muttered.

Autumn playfully punched her in the arm. "Even if I _did_ like them as much as I used to, you can't say that you weren't just as bad," she scolded.

Dawn shrugged and agreed shamelessly. "What can I say, Hidan was a very fuckable character." She gladly punched Autumn back when she teased Dawn about still wanting to "get down and dirty" with said Jashinist. "If I wanted to fuck someone, you know that I could easily get you or Crysta."

"As much as I want to point out that I am a _very_ expensive person," Crysta started, "I'd rather point out that you two pretty much just mentally scarred the animals." Sure enough, the cat and the dog were both staring in horror at the girls. Autumn snorted and laughed, and Dawn managed to crack a smile, though still a bit confused on how they could react in such a way. She shrugged it off as nothing just as Autumn's laughter suddenly cut off.

"Hey!" she said in a scolding voice, standing up. "Get off the table!" The cat, standing aggressively on the kitchen table, looked like it was ready for a fight. His fur was bristling, his ears were back and he was growling loudly. The dog, still under the table, barked up at the cat, but he only hissed in response, not taking his eyes off of Autumn as she approached slowly. She heard Dawn say not to get herself killed by a cat, to which she just muttered, "No promises." She tried shooing the cat off the table, but he only hissed and swung a paw at her in response. She flinched, and the cat almost seemed to find it funny.

Dawn and Crysta stood watching in the doorway. "Throw Crysta's water on him," Dawn said, clearly not happy that there was probably going to be cat hair scattered on the table.

The cat seemed to mess with Autumn. With no real pattern, he'd swat at her or make it seem like he was going to jump, but he never actually did it. It was only to make her flinch. _I seriously will throw the damn water on him_ , she thought irritably. But even if she wasn't completely serious, she got her wish otherwise. The next time the cat went to jump, she shot her hands out with the instinct to guard herself. She hit the cup of water straight on, sending water and ice cubes flying out of it, most of which immediately hit the cat.

There was a _poof_ noise, and the room filled with smoke.

Before it was even completely cleared, they all heard Dawn mutter, "Damn it, he isn't even naked."

* * *

 _I know I said I was gonna work with a weekly schedule, but I wanted to get chapter two up now since friends of mine are excited to read this. :-) The weekly schedule thing is mainly me saying "I'll try taking only a week or so at most to get a chapter up." Idk what the case will be when school starts up at the end of August. Whatevs, we'll see when we get there. And before I forget, thank you for the kind words and sharing of what's been going on in the reviews so far. It makes me happy just getting any. If you're reading this, what time is it for you? I'll find out tomorrow, since I'm gonna go try to sleep now. See you next chapter my friends._


	3. House Guests

_I don't know why this chapter gave me so much trouble. Even now I'm not very happy with it. :/ Oh well. Sorry for the wait._

* * *

Hidan was a bit dizzy after the sudden burst of his chakra finally getting released.

He rubbed his head, muttering, "That was fucking cold you bitch." He heard a dog barking irritably before it stopped with a short sigh, and for a moment, he had no idea what happened. Then he realized he didn't care what happened. He wasn't a cat anymore, he wasn't restricted to a form where he has to tolerate some people's bullshit, and most of all, he was _not_ getting fixed.

And when the smoke from the transformation jutsu getting released cleared, he saw three confused and somewhat scared women.

No, they were _the_ three women. The three women who considered naming him Asshole. Hidan scowled at them and jumped off the kitchen table, making them all take a step back, save for the blonde, who only really flinched. He forgot what their names were in his anger and slight confusion.

"Alright you bitches," he reached behind his back to realize that not only his cloak was missing, but his scythe as well, making him groan, "just tell me where the fuck I am and I might consider to not slaughter you with your own kitchen knives!"

"What, you want us to tell you so you can kill us anyway and land yourself in a prison?" the blonde said irritably. She had guts, standing up to him like that, Hidan reflected. She continued, "Newsflash asshole: murder isn't exactly socially acceptable. You'll be on the run for the rest of your life trying to avoid the police."

Hidan groaned, stepping up to her and gripping the front of her shirt; she flinched slightly, making him smirk. "Okay, and what if I get away with it? Three girls with no chakra would be a piece of fucking cake."

She shrugged, surprisingly good at keeping her cool. "All I have to say is have fun trying to find someone who'll let you into their home and help you survive in a place with cultures you don't understand."

Hidan, knowing he was wrong, growled without saying anything. After a moment he released the girl, practically shoving her away from him. He heard the darker-haired curly-haired girl mutter to the brunette, "Not a fun way to meet your favorite anime character." Hidan scrunched up his nose in confusion. They had an S-rank killer in their house, one that they _clearly_ knew, and she mentioned something about _anime_?

He shook his head. "Okay, fine, what-the-fuck-ever! Tell me where I am then!"

"Only if we're promised to not get killed," the brunette muttered.

Hidan went to say something, but there was a low growl behind him. He glanced back at the dog that was Kakuzu. He growled himself and looked back to the women. "Alright, whatever." After a moment, as the brunette prepared a cup of ice water probably for Sasori and Kakuzu, he muttered, "What a waste of some good sacrifices."

 **XxX**

Sasori and Kakuzu were both missing their cloaks as well. Hidan swore up a storm when he realized his pendant was gone as well, but Kakuzu, who was only annoyed at the fact that his mask and hood were gone, easily shut up him, clearly not wanting to deal with his partner's shit.

"Explain," Kakuzu said lowly.

"Explain what? Gotta be more specific," Dawn said, forgetting for just a moment that these ninjas could kill her instantly. Kakuzu narrowed her eyes dangerously at her.

Before the miser could give her a threat to fit his gaze, Sasori rolled his eyes and said, "Just explain everything, smartass. Although I rather not have to deal with Kakuzu going out on a rage, I'm not in the mood for this either, so I won't hesitate to stop him if he decides he's had enough sarcasm."

Dawn sighed. "Okay, who wants the honors of explaining the whole 'you're from an anime' deal, since we're apparently in a teenage girl's shitty fanfiction now," she said, almost boredly. Crysta turned slowly to look at her, a hand on her chest. Dawn raised a brow and said, "What?"

"For some reason that offends me," Crysta said, dramatically feigning hurt.

Dawn rolled her eyes. "You'll get over it. Now one of you just explain the situation to them or something," she basically commanded.

"Why don't _you_ do it?" Autumn challenged.

"Because I'm the boss bitch of the house, and what I say goes," Dawn said, grinning smugly at her. Crysta went to object to that, but stopped herself midway, quickly deciding against it.

That was a _whole_ other argument.

"Rock-Paper-Scissors, loser has to do the explaining," Autumn suggested. Crysta shrugged and agreed to that, sitting next to Autumn up on the counter; Autumn sat there in the first place to watch Kakuzu threaten Hidan for bitching about his pendant.

And as the two decided to do best two out of three and started, Hidan bounced his leg impatiently from his seat at the kitchen table, Kakuzu massaged his temples, and Sasori pinched the bridge of his nose, all three ninjas wondering why they had to deal with this.

Autumn swore at Crysta when she lost, then turned to the ninjas with a slight smile. "Alrighty, story time," she said. "It's not gonna be a fun story, mind you, it's gonna be a story that's likely to make you three have an existential crisis." The three all rolled their eyes before Autumn continued: "As you probably noticed, we don't have chakra, and that is because it's a bunch of bologna where we're currently at. And where we're currently at is...basically a whole other universe for you guys."

"It's an AU," Crysta whispered, and Autumn cracked a smile but shushed her otherwise.

"And in this alternate universe," Crysta giggled at that, but the ninjas clearly didn't understand what was so funny, "you guys are just hot guys in an anime and manga for teenage girls and boys alike to ogle. The series is finished now, but damn when you guys first died the world went _wild_."

Autumn realized she probably should've saved that last comment for later, because they probably had questions about the whole anime/manga deal, but the dying thing really threw them for a loop.

"We fucking _die_?!" Hidan demanded.

"Now you fucked up, Autumn," Dawn muttered.

Autumn glared at her, then nudged Crysta. "You lost one round at Rock-Paper-Scissors, you explain this one."

Crysta gave her a look, then just sighed and decided to just go with it. "Well, in the anime, the main character is Naruto, one of the Jinchuriki you're hunting. And in the second part, the Akatsuki are the main antagonists. So...yeah. Naturally you guys eventually end up dead as shit, being the bad guys."

"And why should we believe all of this ridiculous story?" Sasori asked, narrowing his eyes.

"We have proof," Crysta declared. She was quiet a moment then nudged Autumn and said, "Autumn, show them the proof." Said brunette rolled her eyes and pulled her phone out (Dawn snorted at the wary and almost scared looks the ninjas gave the device, making Hidan glare at her briefly) and looked up a cutscene from one of the games that showed how Hidan was recruited.

She showed them the video, then when it ended she said, "I can look up a lot of things about you guys that no one would ever know." She gestured to her phone. "This device basically is a pocket sized, infinite library of info. And it's all in there because in this world, you guys are nothing but some pencil drawings."

Hidan scratched the back of his neck, still dubious, while Kakuzu and Sasori seemed to take in the explanations.

"If you don't believe us," Dawn spoke up, "we can basically tell you guys some shit that'll _make_ you believe us." They all gave Dawn looks that basically took her up on the challenge, making her grin. "Kakuzu, you're an old miser that's been paired with Hidan because he can't be killed by your temper. And when I say old, I mean old, because you're literally over ninety because you've cheated death with your five hearts," Kakuzu narrowed her eyes at her, "Hidan, you can't be killed by Kakuzu because you're immortal. Said immortality was granted by the almighty Jashin-sama," Hidan managed a grin at the praise of his religion, "and Sasori, you turned yourself into a puppet because of your views on art being that it's eternal, whereas your partner Deidara believe that it's fleeting." Sasori said nothing.

"If that's not enough, Autumn can probably rack her brain for some tiny, vague as shit details about you three because she has a bitch of a good memory sometimes," Crysta added, making Autumn shrug and smile modestly.

Kakuzu, however, held up a hand. "I think what you've told us should be enough."

"It's still fucking confusing to me," Hidan mumbled.

Kakuzu went to make a comment, but Dawn actually beat him to it, "Probably because what you have in ninja skills, you lack in smarts." The Jashinist glared harshly at her, to which she glared back. "Kill me if you want, my threat about prison earlier still stands. Besides, I'm pretty sure us three are going to be the only ones within the next block that'll not only know who you are, but be willing to try finding out a way to send you back to where you belong."

"Plus not everyone will exactly believe you're the real thing," Crysta said. "Your proof will have to be some kind of ninja technique that'll basically send everyone away running and screaming."

Hidan growled in frustration, not enjoying being proved wrong so much in one night.

"Okay, so before a fucking _brawl_ breaks out," Autumn said, "can we ask you guys some questions now?" Hidan said nothing, still killing Dawn in his thoughts, and Kakuzu and Sasori glanced at each other before deciding that it shouldn't do much harm.

Depending on what they ask, that is.

"So how in Christ's name did you guys get here?" Crysta said first.

Sasori actually glared at Kakuzu and Hidan. Kakuzu sighed and explained: "My idiot of a partner had me furious enough to chase him. I would've had him, but we happened to intrude on Sasori about to test what some scroll did. For some reason the scroll not only trapped us all in various forms due to a transformation jutsu strangely forced onto us, but also transported us here."

That seemed to confuse the girls.

"Pein actually had you test a scroll?" Autumn asked.

"Yes, is there some kind of problem there?" Sasori said.

"It goes against the plot," Dawn said with a shrug. "In the story that never happens. Even if it did, then it's never shown or talked about, and that wouldn't make a lot of sense. Do you have the scroll with you?"

Sasori shook his head. "I'm assuming that it's still at the base. So to put it simply-"

"You guys are fucking stuck here." The notion annoy to annoy Dawn immensely, much to Hidan's own irritation.

"It's not like we want to fucking be here," the Jashinist snapped. "We hate it as much as you do, you bitch."

Autumn and Crysta seemed to wince, making Kakuzu silently raise a brow in confusion at them. "Prepare yourself for the fight of the century," Crysta muttered to him. "Dawn's feisty, especially when she's irritated."

However, the fight of the century has been rescheduled for another time, for Kakuzu wasn't in the mood for it. He cut in, threatening to rip his partner's head off and leave it out in the snow if he started being annoying. "Hey now, no need for that," Crysta said. "Blood stains are _really_ hard to wash out."

"I doubt three girls that have most likely never gotten into a proper battle would know," Sasori scoffed.

"You're really asking three _women_ about what they know about washing out blood stains?" Autumn deadpanned.

The three men shuddered in disgust, making the girls grin.

"Besides, Dawn here actually probably _would_ know. She's gotten into a fair share of fights in the past," Autumn said, gesturing to the blonde who was still having an intense staring contest with Hidan to make up for their interrupted fight. Everyone rolled their eyes at them.

"Okay, I have a proposition to make for the ninjas," Crysta declared, making the Akatsuki members look to her (Hidan took a second to look away from Dawn, though still having a scowl on his face). "In return for not killing us in our sleep, we give you a roof to sleep under and food to eat until you can haul your asses back home. Deal?"

Naturally, the ninjas eventually agreed, not really having any other choice.

Later in the night, the girls would show their trust in the ninjas when they were in their rooms trying to sleep: Crysta would lock her door just in case, Autumn would just shut her door normally, and Dawn would leave her door wide open.

 **XxX**

Hearing unfamiliar snoring nearly made Crysta jump three feet out of her skin when she came downstairs. She then took a break to compose herself when she remembered the events of last night. As she passed the living room to step into the kitchen, she happened to glance into the room.

Hidan was curled up on the bean bag chair, snoring away, and Kakuzu slept silently on the couch.

Hidan only gave up the couch for the sake of "being charitable to the elderly", much to Kakuzu's annoyance.

"Are you typically the one that's up after the other one?" Sasori asked as Crysta stepped into the kitchen, making her jump again. He smirked and she stuck her tongue out at him.

It took her a moment to think of what he meant by "the other one", then realized that he probably saw Dawn leaving for work, since she leaves at around seven-thirty. "Depends on how late me or Autumn falls asleep. She's usually up before me though," she said with a shrug, going into a cabinet and having to get on her tippy toes to reach the box of poptarts on the top shelf. "Don't think I didn't see that look, Sasori. You're only about five feet and three inches yourself."

He rolled his eyes, ignoring the fact that she oddly nearly knew his exact height. "And what are you? Five feet and one inch?" he retorted.

"Five foot three, asshole," she muttered, opening a package of brown sugar cinnamon poptarts and putting them in the toaster. Noticing Sasori's odd look, she said slowly, "It won't hurt you, Sasori. It's just a toaster."

"I know what a toaster is, brat," he snapped. "I don't know what that food is."

"This possibly heart clogging, sugary goodness is called a poptart, my good puppet," she said, sitting on the counter then gesturing to the toaster. "I'd let you try it, but you'd _literally_ get something clogged up."

"Yeah, no kidding."

Just then Hidan stepped into the kitchen, his hair an utter mess, yawning widely.

"I thought the house suddenly got silent," Crysta mumbled, resulting in the Jashinist growling tiredly for her to go fuck herself. "Sorry to say it Sleeping Beauty, but you snore louder than a motorboat."

The ninjas both gave her an odd look.

Crysta slapped her forehead. "Right. Clueless ninjas. It's literally just a motor powered boat. Not what you're probably thinking of." They both just rolled their eyes. Hidan propped his elbow on the table to rest his head in his palm, still partially asleep, but when the toaster popped it made him jolt awake with a brief screech, making Crysta start laughing.

"Fuck you, you damn bitch!" Hidan snapped.

"I would, Hidan, but I'm afraid I'm somewhere in the asexual range," she said. Hidan just gave her a confused look, to which she sighed at. "Assuming you don't know what that even means, it means that I'm not interested in sex."

The thought of not being interested in sex just bewildered the Jashinist. Crysta just shrugged at him, then took a bite of one of her poptarts.

* * *

 _Is this chapter bad? I feel like it is. Hopefully the others will be able to flow out better for me. Part of the reason this one took me a bit longer is probably that we just got a new kitten. His name is Granola. :D But yeah, I don't have much to say other than that. Maybe that I'm sorry that this chapter is bad. I'll try making the next one better, I'm just not very good at making long filler-ish stuff. See you all later._


End file.
